Release Date July 2006. This is the correct date.
(Please note, this has not been edited. So there may be some errors, like Ronnie and Anita forgetting Ronnie had been married previously. Those will be fixed in the final edition.)
Chapter One:
It was the first week of November. I was supposed
to be out jogging, but instead I was sitting at my
breakfast table talking about men, sex, werewolves,
vampires, and that thing that most unmarried but sexual
active women fear most of all - a missed period.
Veronica (Ronnie) Sims, best friend and private
detective, sat across from me at my little four-seater
breakfast table. The table sat on a little raised alcove
in a bay window. I did breakfast most mornings at that
view out into the deck and the trees beyond. Today, the
view wasn't pretty, because the inside of my head was too
ugly to see it. Panic will do that to you.
"You're sure you missed October? You didn't just
count wrong?" Ronnie asked.
I shook my head and stared into my coffee cup. "I'm
two weeks overdue."
She reached across the table and patted my hand.
"Two weeks, you had me scared. Two weeks could be
anything, Anita. Stress will throw you off that much,
and God knows you've had enough stress." She squeezed my
hand. "That last serial killer case was only about two
weeks ago." She squeezed my hand harder. "Just what I
read in the paper and saw on the news was bad."
I'd stopped telling Ronnie all my bad stuff years
ago, when my cases as a legal vampire executioner had
gotten so much bloodier than her cases as a private eye.
Now I was a federal marshal along with most of the other
legal vamp hunters in the United States. It meant that I
had even more access to even more awful shit. Things that
Ronnie, or any of my female friends didn't want to know
about. I didn't fault them. I'd rather not have had
that many nightmares in my own head. No, I didn't fault
Ronnie, but it meant that some of the most awful stuff
couldn't be shared with her. I was just glad we'd made
up a long-standing grumpiness in time to have her here
for this particular disaster. I was able to talk about
the bad parts of the cases with some of the men in my
life, but I couldn't have shared the missed period with
any of them. It concerned one of them entirely too much.
She squeezed my hand hard, and leaned back. Her
grey eyes were all sympathy, and apology. She was still
feeling guilty that she'd let her issues about commitment
and men rain all over our friendship. She'd come here
today to cry on my shoulder about the fact that she was
moving in with her boyfriend, Louie Fane, Dr. Louis Fane,
thank you very much. He had his doctorate in biology and
taught at Washington University. He also turned furry
once a month, and was a lieutenant of the local wererat
rodere, their word for pack.
"If Louie wasn't hiding what he was from his
colleagues we'd be going to the big party tonight," she
said.
"He teaches people's kids, Ronnie, he can't afford
to find out what they'd do if they found out he had
lycanthropy."
"College isn't kids, it's definitely grown-up."
"Parents won't see it that way," I said. I looked
at her, and finally said, "Are you changing the subject?"
"It's only two weeks, Anita, after one of the most
violent cases you've ever had. I wouldn't even loose
sleep over it."
"Yeah, but you're period is erratic, mines not.
I've never been two weeks late before."
She pushed a strand of blond hair back behind her
ear. The new hair cut framed her face nicely, but it
didn't stay out of her eyes, and she was always pushing
it back.
"Never?"
I shook my head, and sipped coffee. It was cold. I
got up and went to dump it in the sink.
"What's the latest you've ever been?" she asked.
"Two days, I think five once, but I wasn't having
sex with anyone, so it wasn't scary. I mean unless there
was a star in the east I was safe, just late." I poured
coffee from the French press, which emptied it. I was so
going to need more coffee.
Ronnie came to stand next to me, while I put more
hot water on the stove. She leaned her butt against the
cabinets and drank her coffee, but she was watching me.
"Let me run this back at you. You've never been
two weeks late, ever, and you've never missed a whole
month before?"
"Not since this whole mess started when I was
fourteen, no."
"I always envied you the regular as clock work
schedule," she said.
I started dismantling the French press, taking out
the lid with its filter on a stick. "Well, the clock is
broken right now."
"Shit," she said, softly.
"You can say that again."
"You need a pregnancy test," she said.
"No, shit." I dumped the grounds into the trash
can, and shook my head. "I can't go shopping for one
tonight."
"Can't you make a quick stop on the way to Jean-
Claude's big party?"
Jean-Claude, Master Vampire of the City of St.
Louis, and my sweetie, was throwing one of the biggest
bashes of the year to welcome to town the first ever
mostly vampire dance company. He was one of their
patrons, and when you spend that much money you
apparently get to spend more to throw a party to
celebrate that the money was helping the dance troupe
find rave reviews in their cross-country tour. There was
going to be national and international media there
tonight. It was like a big deal, and I as his main
squeeze had to be on his arm, smiling, and dressed up.
In fact I was due at his place in about an hour to have
him get me into what I was wearing. I'd never have been
able to get myself decked out for something like this,
not without help. The dress alone needed a maid. But
strangely, appearing in public in a formal dress that had
a corset for a bodice just didn't seem like that big a
deal right that moment. I had other things to worry
about. Unfortunately.
"Yeah, Ronnie, I'm riding in with Micah and
Nathaniel. Even if I stop, Nathaniel will insist on
going in with me, or wondering why I don't let him go. I
don't want any of them to know until I've got the test
and it's yes, or no. Maybe it is just nerves, stress,
and the test will say no. Then I won't have to tell
anybody."
"Where are your two handsome housemates?"
"Jogging. I was supposed to go with them, but I
told them you'd called and needed me to hold your hand
about moving in with Louie."
"I did," she said, and sipped her coffee. "But
suddenly me being nervous about sharing space with a man
for the first time in my life, just doesn't seem like
such a big deal."
I leaned my hands against the sink, and looked at
her through a curtain of my long dark hair. It had
gotten too long for my tastes, but Micah had made me a
deal. If I cut my hair, he'd cut his, because he
preferred his hair shorter, too. So my hair was down to
my waist for the first time since junior high, and it was
really beginning to get on my nerves. Of course, today,
everything was getting on my nerves.
"Until I know for sure, I don't want them to know."
"Even if it's yes, Anita, you don't have to tell
them. I'll close up my agency for a few days. We'll go
away on a girl's retreat, and you can come back without a
problem."
I pushed my hair back, so I could see her clearly.
I think my face showed what I was thinking, because she
said, "What?"
"Are you honestly saying, that I don't tell any of
them. That I just go away for a while and make sure that
there's no baby to worry about?"
"It's your body," she said.
"Yeah, and I took my chances by having sex with this
many men on a regular basis."
"You're on the pill," she said.
"Yeah, and if I'd wanted to be a hundred percent
safe I'd have still used condoms, but I didn't. If I'm .
. . pregnant, then I'll deal, but not like that."
"You can't mean you'd keep it."
I shook my head. "I'm not even sure I'm pregnant,
but if I was, I couldn't not tell the father. I'm in a
committed relationship with several of them. I'm not
married, but we live together. We share a life. I
couldn't just make this kind of choice without talking to
them first."
She shook her head. "No man ever wants you to get
an abortion if you're in a relationship. They always
want you barefoot and pregnant."
"That's you're mother's issues talking, not yours,
or at least not mine."
She looked away, wouldn't meet my eyes. "I can tell
what I'd do, and it wouldn't involve telling Louie."
I sighed, and stared out the little window above the
sink. A lot of things to say went through my head, none
of them helpful. I finally settled for, "Well, it isn't
you and Louie having this particular problem. It's me,
and . . ."
"And who?" she said. "Who got you knocked up?"
"Thanks for putting it that way."
"I could ask, who's the father, but that's just
creepy. If you are, then it's this little tiny,
microscopic lump of cells. It's not a baby. It's not a
person, not yet."
I shook my head. "We'll agree to disagree on that
one."
"You're pro-choice," she said.
I nodded. "Yep, I am, but I also believe that
abortion is taking a life. I agree women have the right
to choose, but I also think that it's still taking a
life."
"That's like saying you're pro-choice and pro-life.
You can't be both."
"I'm pro-choice because I've never been a fourteen-
year-old incest victim pregnant by their father, or a
woman who's going to die if the pregnancy continues, or
even a teenager who made a mistake. I want women to have
choices, but I also believe that it's a life, especially
once it's big enough to live outside the womb."
"Once a Catholic, always a Catholic," she said.
"Maybe, but being excommunicated, you'd think that
cured me." The Pope had declared that all animators,
zombie raisers, were excommunate until they repented
their evil ways, and stopped doing it. What His Holiness
didn't seem to grasp is that raising the dead was a
psychic ability and if we didn't raise it for money on a
regular basis, that we'd eventually raise the dead by
accident. I had accidentally raised a pet as a child,
and a suicidal teacher in college. I'd always wondered
if there had been others that just never found me. Maybe
some of the accidental zombies that occasional show up
were psychic abilities gone wrong, or untrained. All I
knew was that if the Pope had ever woken up as a child
with his dead dog curled up in bed with him, he'd want
the power controlled. Or maybe he wouldn't. Maybe he'd
believe that it was evil and he'd pray it into
submission. My prayers just didn't have that kind of
punch to them.
"You can't mean you'd actually have this . . .
thing, baby, whatever."
I sighed. "I don't know, but I do know that I could
never just go away, get an abortion, and never tell my
boyfriends. Never tell them that one of them might have
made a child with me. I just couldn't do it."
She was shaking her head so hard that her hair fell
around her face, covered the upper half of it. She ran
her hands through it sharply, like she was pulling on it.
"I've tried to understand that you're happy
living with not one, but two men. I've tried to
understand that you love that vampire son of a bitch,
somehow. I've tried, but if you actually breed.
Actually have a baby, I just don't get that. I won't be
able to understand that."
"Then don't, then go. If you can't deal, then go."
"I didn't mean that. I just meant that I can't
understand why you would complicate your life this way."
"Complicate, yeah, I guess that's one way of putting
it."
She crossed her arms tight over her chest. She was
tall, slender and leggy, and blond. Everything I'd
wanted to be as a child. But she was small chested
enough that she could fold her arm over her breasts
instead of under them, something I couldn't have done.
But her legs went on forever in a skirt, and mine did
not. Oh, well.
"Okay, then if you're going to tell them, tell Micah
and Nathaniel and get a test and test yourself."
"Not until after the test. I don't want anyone to
know until I know for sure."
She looked up at the ceiling, closed her eyes, and
sighed. "Anita, you live with two of them. You sleep
over with two more of them. You are never alone. When
are you going to have time to run in and get a test, let
alone have the privacy to use it?"
"I can pick one up at work on Monday."
She stared at me. "Monday! It's Thursday. I'd go
fucking crazy if I had to wait that long. You'll go
crazy. You can't wait nearly four days."
"Maybe my period will start. Maybe by Monday I
won't need it."
"Anita, you wouldn't have told me if you weren't
pretty sure you needed a pregnancy test."
"When Nathaniel and Micah get back, they'll jump in
the shower and we'll go straight to Jean-Claude. We'll
get dressed and we go to the party. There won't be time
tonight."
"Friday, promise me that Friday you'll get one."
"I'll try, but . . ."
"Besides, when you start asking your lovers to use
condoms, won't they figure something out."
"Jesus," I said.
"Yeah, I heard you say if you'd used condoms you'd
be safe, don't tell me that you're not going to want to
use them for a while. Could you really have unprotected
sex right now, and enjoy it?"
I shook my head. "No."
"Then what are you going to tell the boys about this
sudden need for condoms? Hell, Micah had a vasectomy
before you even met him. He's like super safe."
I sighed again. "You're right, damnit, but you
are."
"So pick up the test on the way to the big show-
down."
"No, I'm not going to rain all over Jean-Claude's
big event. He's planned this for months."
"You didn't mention it to me."
"I didn't plan it, he did. The ballet isn't really
my thing." Truthfully, he hadn't mentioned it to me
until they were coming to St. Louis, but I kept that part
to myself. It would just give Ronnie another reason to
say that Jean-Claude was keeping secrets from me. Well,
now it was my turn to keep secrets.
"And how will Mr. Fang-Face feel about being a
father?"
"Don't call him that."
"Sorry, how will Jean-Claude feel about being a
daddy?"
"It's probably not his."
She looked at me. "You're having sex with him, a
lot, why isn't it his?"
"Because he's over four-hundred-years-old and when a
vampire gets that old, they aren't very fertile. That
goes for Asher, and Damian, too."
"Oh, God," she said, "I'd forgotten that you had sex
with Damian."
"Yeah," I said.
She covered her eyes with her hands. "I'm sorry,
Anita. I'm sorry that it's weirding me out that my
uptight monogamous friend is suddenly sleeping with not
one, but three vampires."
"I didn't plan it that way."
"I know that." She hugged me, and I stayed stiff
against her. She wasn't being comforting enough for me
to relax in her arms. She hugged me tighter. "I'm
sorry, I'm sorry, I'm being a jerk. But if it's not the
vampires then who else, but your house boys."
I pulled away from her. "Don't call them my house
boys. They have names, and just because I like living
with someone, and you don't, don't make that my problem."
"Fine, that leaves Micah and Nathaniel."
"Micah is fixed, so it can't be him?"
Her eyes went wide. "That leaves Nathaniel. Jesus,
Anita, Nathaniel as the father to be."
A moment ago, I might have agreed with her, but now
it pissed me off. It wasn't her place to disparage my
boyfriends. "What's wrong with Nathaniel?" I said, and
my voice was not entirely happy.
She put her hands on her hips and gave me a look.
"He's twenty and a stripper. Twenty-year-old strippers
are the entertainment at your bachelorette party. You
don't have babies with them."
I letting the anger seep into my eyes. "Nathaniel
told me you didn't see him as real, as a person. I told
him he was wrong. I told him you were my friend, and you
wouldn't disrespect him like that. I guess I was wrong."
She didn't back down or apologize. She was angry
and staying that way. "last time I checked Nathaniel was
supposed to be food, just food, not the love of your
life."
"I didn't say he was the love of my life, and yeah,
he started out as my pomme de sang, but that doesn't . .
."
But she interrupted me. "Your apple of blood,
right, that's what pomme de sang means?"
I nodded.
"If you were a vampire you'd be taking blood from
your little stripper, but thanks to that blood-sucking
son of a bitch you have to feed off of sex. Sex for
god's sake. First that bastard made you his blood whore,
and now . . ." She stopped abruptly, a startled almost
frightened look on her face, as if she knew she'd gone
too far.
I gave her a flat, cold look. The look that says my
anger has moved from hot to cold. It's never a good sign.
"Go on, Ronnie, say it."
"I didn't mean it," she whispered.
"Yeah," I said, "you did. Now I'm just a whore."
My voice sounded as cold as my eyes felt. Too angry and
too hurt to be anything but cold. Hot angry can feel
good, but the cold will protect you better.
She started to cry. I just stared at her,
speechless. What the hell was going on? We were
fighting, she wasn't allowed to cry in the middle of it.
Especially not when she was the one being a cruel
bastard. I could count on one hand the times I'd seen
Ronnie cry, and still have fingers left over.
I was still angry, but I was puzzled, too, and that
took a little of the edge off. "Shouldn't I be the one
in tears here?" I asked, because I couldn't think of what
else to say. I was mad at her and I'd be damned if I
would comfort her, right now.
She spoke in that breathless, hiccupping voice that
serious crying can give you. "I'm sorry, oh, god, Anita,
I'm sorry. I'm just so jealous."
I raised eyebrows at her. "What are you talking
about? Jealous of what?"
"The men," she said in that shivering, uncertain
voice. It was like she was someone else for a moment, or
maybe this was just part of Ronnie that she didn't let
people see. "All the damned men. I'm about to give up
everybody. Everybody but Louie, and he's great, but
dmanit I've had lovers. I hit triple digits."
I wasn't sure that being able to number your lovers
at over a hundred was a good thing, but it was something
that Ronnie and I had agreed to disagree over a long time
ago. I did not say, look who's the whore, or other
hurtful remarks I could have made. I let all the cheap
shots I could have made go. She was the one crying.
"And now I'm giving it all up, all of it, for just
one man." She leaned her hands against the cabinet as if
she needed the support.
"You said sex with Louie was great. I think you've
used words like fantastic, and mind-blowing."
She nodded, her hair spilling around her face so
that I couldn't see her eyes for a moment. "It is, he
is, but he's just one man. What if I get bored, or he
gets bored with me? How can just one be enough?" She
looked up at that last remark, her grey eyes wide and
frightened.
I made a small helpless gesture, and said, "You're
asking the wrong person, Ronnie. I'd planned on
monogamy. It seemed like a good idea to me."
"That's exactly what I mean." She wiped at the
tears on her face in harsh angry motions, as if the touch
of them made her even more upset. "How is it that you,
my girlfriend who had only three men in her entire life,
ends up dating and fucking five men?"
I didn't know what to say to that, so I tried to
concentrate on the hard facts. "Six men," I said.
She frowned at me, her eyes taking on that look that
meant she was counting in her head. "I only count five."
"You're leaving someone out, Ronnie."
"No," and she started counting on her fingers,
"Jean-Claude, Asher, Damian, Nathaniel, and Micah.
That's it."
I shook my head, again. "I had unprotected sex with
one more man last month." I could have said it
differently, but maybe if we got back to my personal
disaster, we could stop talking about Ronnie's penis envy.
She needed more therapy that I knew how to do lately.
She frowned harder, then she got it. "Oh, no, no,"
she said.
I nodded. Happy to see from her expression that she
got the full awfulness of it.
"You just had sex with him once, right?"
I shook my head, as if I was shaking my head, no,
over and over again. "Not just once."
She was looking at me so hard, that I couldn't hold
her gaze. Even with the tear tracks drying on her face,
she was suddenly Ronnie again. Ronnie had a good hard
stare. I couldn't meet it, and was left looking at the
cabinets. "How much more than, not just once?" She
asked.
I started to blush and couldn't stop it. Damnit.
"You're blushing that's not a good sign," she said.
I stared down at the counter top, using my long hair
to hide my face.
Her voice was gentler, when she said, "How many
times, Anita? How many times in the month you've been
back together?"
"Seven," I said, still not looking up. I hated
admitting it, because the number alone said louder than
any words, just how much I enjoyed being in Richard's
bed.
"Seven times in a month," she said, "wow, that's . .
. "
I looked up, and the look was enough.
"Sorry, sorry, just . . ." She looked as if she
wasn't sure whether she was going to laugh, or be sad
about it. She controlled herself, and finally sounded
sad, when she said, "Oh, my God, Richard."
I nodded, again.
"Richard," she whispered his name, and looked
suitably horrified. It was worth a little horror.
Richard Zeeman and I had been off again, on again,
for years. Mostly off. We'd been engaged briefly until
I saw him eat someone. He was the leader, Ulfric, of the
local werewolf pack. He was also a junior high science
teacher, and an all round boy scout. If boy scouts were
6' 1", muscled, amazingly handsome, and had an amazing
ability to be self-destructive. He hated being a
monster, and he hated me for being more comfortable with
the monsters than he was. He hated a lot of things, but
we'd made up just enough to have fallen into bed in the
last few weeks. But as my Grandma Blake told me, once
was enough.
Of all the men in my life the worst possible choice
would have been Richard, because he of all of them would
try for the white picket fence and a normal life. Normal
wasn't possible for me, or him, but I knew that, and he
didn't, not really, not yet. Even if I was pregnant,
even if I kept being pregnant, I wasn't going to marry
anyone. I wasn't going to change my living arrangements.
My life worked the way it was, and Richard's idea of
domestic bliss, was not mine.
She gave an abrupt laugh, then swallowed it. I was
glaring at her. "Come on, Anita, I'm allowed to be
impressed that you've managed to have sex with him seven
times in the space of a month. I mean, you don't even
live together, and you're having more sex than some of
our married friends."
I kept giving her the look that makes bad guys run
for cover, but Ronnie was my friend, and it's harder to
impress you're friends with the scary-look. They know
you won't really hurt them. The fight was dying under
the weight of friendship, and my problem being more
immediate than her years of issues unresolved.
Ronnie touched my arm. "Oh, it wouldn't be
Richard's. You're having sex with Nathaniel at least
every other day."
"Sometimes twice a day," I said.
She smiled. "Well, my, my . . ." then waved her
hand as if to keep from distracting herself. "But the
odds are, that it's Nathaniel's, right."
I smiled at her. "You sound happy about that now."
She shrugged. "Well, a choice of evils, ya know."
"Thanks a lot, Ronnie."
"You know what I meant," she said.
"No, I don't think I do." I think I was ready to be
angry about her thinking the men in my life were a choice
of evils, but I didn't get a chance to be angry, because
two of the men in my life were coming through the front
door.
I heard them unlocking the door, before it opened,
and their voices came raised, and a little breathless
from the run. They'd been able to run faster, and, or
further, without me along. I was, after all, still human,
and they were not.
Standing between the island and the cabinets we
couldn't see the door, only hear them laughing as they
came towards the doorway to the kitchen.
"How can you do that?" Ronnie asked, voice soft.
"What?" I asked, frowning.
"You were smiling."
I looked at her.
"You smiled just at the sound of their voices, even
with everything . . ."
I stopped her with a hand on her arm. One way I
knew I didn't want them to find out about the maybe baby
was by overhearing a conversation. Their hearing was a
little too keen to risk it. And here they came, my two
live-in sweeties.
Micah was in front, looking back over his shoulder,
still laughing, talking. He was my height, short,
slender and muscular in that swimmer sort of way. He had
to have his suits tailored because he needed an extra
small athletic cut. You didn't get that off the rack.
He'd come to me tanned and stayed that way from jogging
outside, mostly shirtless, all summer and autumn. He'd
added a t-shirt to the short-shorts today. His hair was
that deep, rich brown that some people get after starting
life as very blond. His dark hair was tied back in a low
pony tail that couldn't hide how curly it was, almost as
curly as mine. He'd taken off his sunglasses so when I
moved into his arms I could look up into his chartreuse
eyes. Yellow-green leopard eyes in his delicate face. A
very bad man had forced him to stay in leopard form until
when he came back to human he couldn't come all the way
back.
We kissed and our arms just seemed to automatically
glide around each other, to press our bodies as close
together as we could with clothes on. He'd affected me
this way almost from the moment we had seen each other.
Lust at first sight. They say it doesn't last, but we
were six months and counting.
I melted against his body and kissed him fiercely,
deeply. Partly it was what I always wanted to do when I
saw him. Partly I was scared and touching and being
touched made me feel better. Not long ago I'd have been
more discreet in front of company, but my nerves just
weren't good enough to pretend today.
He didn't get embarrassed, or tell me not in front of
Ronnie, the way Richard would have done. He kissed me
back with the same drowning intensity. His hands holding
me like he'd never let me go. We drew back, breathless
and laughing.
"Was that for my benefit?" Ronnie asked, and her
voice was not happy.
I turned around, still half in Micah's arms. I
looked at her angry eyes and suddenly was ready to be
angry back. "Not everything is about you, Ronnie."
"Are you telling me you kiss him like that every
time he comes home?" The anger was back, and she used
it. "He's been gone, what, an hour? I've seen you greet
him after a day's work, and like that."
"Like what?" I asked, voice sliding down. If she
wanted to fight, we could fight.
"Like he was air and you couldn't breath him in fast
enough."
Micah's voice was mild, placating, trying to talk us
both down. "Did we interrupt something?"
I turned to face Ronnie, squarely. "I'm allowed to
kiss my boyfriend the way I want to kiss him without
getting your permission, Ronnie."
"Don't try and tell me you weren't rubbing my face
in it, just now, with the show."
"Go get some therapy, Ronnie, because I am fucking
tired of your issues raining all over me."
"I confided in you," she said, voice strangled with
some emotion I didn't understand, "and you put on a show
like that in front of me. How could you?"
"Oh, that wasn't a show," Nathaniel said from just
inside the doorway, "but if it's a show you want, we can
do that, too." He glided into the kitchen on the balls
of his feet showing the grace of both his dance training
and that otherworldly grace of the wereleopard. He
pulled his tank top off in one smooth gesture and let it
fall to the floor. I actually backed up a step, before I
caught myself. I hadn't realized until that moment that
he was angry with Ronnie. What little cutting remarks
had she been making to him, that I hadn't heard? When he
told me she didn't see him as real, he'd been trying to
tell me more than I had heard. That I'd missed something
big, was there in his angry eyes.
He tore the tie from his pony tail and let his
ankle-length auburn hair fall around his nearly naked
body. The jogging short-short just didn't cover that
much.
I had time to say, "Nathaniel . . ." and he was
in front of me. That otherworldly energy that all
lycanthropes could give off shivered off his skin and
along my body. He was 5' 6" just tall enough for me to
have to look up to meet his eyes. His anger had turned
them from lavender to the deeper color of lilacs, if
flowers could burn with anger, and force of personality.
Nathaniel was in those eyes and with that one look he
dared me, challenged me, to turn him down.
I didn't want to turn him down. I wanted to wrap
his body and that skin-crawling energy around me like a
coat. Lately almost any stress seemed to feed into sex.
Scared; sex would make me feel better. Angry; sex would
calm me. Sad; sex made me happy. Was I addicted to sex?
Maybe. But Nathaniel wasn't offering actual sex. He
just wanted as much attention as I'd given Micah. Seemed
fair to me.
I closed the distance between us with my hands, my
mouth, my body. The energy of his beast spilled around
us like being plunged in a warm bath that had a mild
electric charge. He'd been one of the least of my
leopards until a metaphysical accident had taken him from
pomme de sang, food, to my animal to call. I was the
first human servant to gain the vampire ability to call
an animal. All leopards were mine to call, but Nathaniel
was my special pet. We'd both gained from the magical
bonding, but he'd gained more.
He lifted me up, using just his hands on my thighs.
Even through my jeans he made sure I knew he was happy to
be pressed against my body. So happy that it forced a
small sound from me.
Ronnie's voice came harsh, ugly, like she was
choking on her anger. "And when the baby comes, are you
going to fuck in front of it, too?"
Nathaniel froze against me. Micah's voice came from
behind us, "Baby?"
Chapter Two
That one word fell into the room like a thunderbolt,
except that afterwards the room was quiet. So quiet,
that I could hear the blood pounding in my head.
Nathaniel's body so still against mine, that if I hadn't
felt his pulse against my hand, it would have been like
he wasn't there. I was afraid to move, afraid to breath.
It was like a moment before a gun fight, when you know
it's going to happen, and that anything, any movement,
will start it off, and you don't want to be the one that
makes it happen.
Nathaniel looked down at me, and the look was
enough. It broke the unnatural silence, and sound
spilled around us. Micah said, "Did Ronnie say, baby?"
"Yeah, I said, baby." Her voice was ugly with
anger.
Nathaniel let me slide to the floor, his hands going
to my shoulders. His eyes were so serious that I had to
fight to keep meeting them. I did it, though my eyes
flinched as if the force of his questions was a light too
bright to meet.
"Are you pregnant?" he asked, voice soft.
"I'm not sure," I said, and I gave Ronnie the glare
she deserved. "I was going to wait until I was sure
before I told any of you guys. But I had to tell
someone. I thought, hey, I'll my best friend, but I
guess I was wrong."
"The kiss with Micah may not have been for my
benefit," Ronnie said in that ugly voice that I didn't
recognize as hers, "but your pet stripper and you, that
was for my benefit."
I turned so that I was facing her, Nathaniel at my
back. "You're jealous of the men in my life, yeah, I get
that now."
She opened her mouth, closed it, and said, "I guess
that's fair. I tell your secret, you tell mine."
I shook my head. "Me telling Nathaniel and Micah
that you are jealous of how many men are in my bed, isn't
the same as telling them that I may be pregnant." I had
a mean idea, so I said it, "But it might be close if I
told Louie that you were jealous of my boyfriends. Does
he know that you can number your old lovers in triple
digits?" Yeah, it was mean, but she'd earned it. Only
family can fight as dirty as best friends.
She paled a little, and that was enough to answer
the question. "He doesn't know," I said, and made it a
statement.
"I think he deserves to know," Nathaniel said, and
again there was that tone in his anger that said it was
more personal than it should have been between them.
"I'd planned on telling him," she said.
"When?" he asked, and he moved around me, so that he
was facing her.
I glanced at Micah, and he shook his head, as if he
didn't know what was going on either. Good to know we
were both confused.
"When you'd moved in together, married him, or
never?"
"We're not getting married," she said in a voice
that was just a little desperate, as if her fear was
washing her anger away. She rallied then, "You did that
little show with Anita to rub my face in the fact that
I'm about to become monogamous. You're always doing shit
like that."
"And how many times have you said, 'Oh, it's Anita
little stripper, or pet stripper, or how's tricks, or my
personal favorite, you're damned cute for a walking,
talking, beef steak, or it that beef cake?"
"Jesus, Nathaniel." I looked at Ronnie. "Did you
say all that to him?"
The anger faded around the edges as she finally
looked uncomfortable. "Maybe, but not like he makes it
sound."
"Then why didn't you say it in front of me?" I
asked. "If there was nothing wrong with saying it, why
not in front of me."
"Or me," Micah said, "I would have told you if she'd
been saying things like that to Nathaniel."
"Why didn't you tell me, Nathaniel?" I asked.
He gave me his angry eyes. "I told you she didn't
see me as real, as a person."
"But, you didn't tell me what she'd said, I needed
to know."
He shrugged. "She's your best friend, and you'd
just made up after a big fight. I didn't want to start
another one."
"I was just kidding around," Ronnie said, but the
tone in her voice didn't believe her either.
I looked at her. "How would you feel if I said
stuff like that to Louie?"
"You can't call him a stripper, or an ex-prostitute,
because he's not." The moment she said it, her face
showed me she knew she shouldn't have. "I didn't mean .
. ." she began, but it wasn't me that put her in her
place, it was Nathaniel.
"I know why you call me names," he said, and he
moved in closer, not touching, but invading the hell out
of her personal space. "I see the way you watch me. You
want me, but like Anita does. You just want me for a
night, or a weekend, or a month, then you'd be done like
you're always done with everybody. I know why you don't
want to commit to Louie." I'd never seen him like this,
relentless. I actually made a small move, as if I'd stop
him, but Micah caught my eye, and shook his head. His
face was serious, almost grim. I guess he was right.
Nathaniel had earned this, and Ronnie had, too. But it
wasn't going to end anywhere I wanted to be.
He said again, "I know why you don't want to commit
to Louie."
She said in a small, weak voice, "Why?"
"Because it torments you to know that you will never
know how I am in bed."
"Oh," she said in a voice that was almost her own,
"so I'm not wanting Louie because you're such a stud?"
"Not me, Ronnie, but the next me. The next guy you
get obsessed about. Not love obsessed, but I-wonder-
what-he'd-be-like-in-bed obsessed. And you've always
been beautiful enough, hot enough, to get anyone you've
ever wanted, right?"
She stared at him as if he were something horrible.
He prompted her, "Right?"
She nodded, and whispered, "Yes."
"You knew Anita wasn't fucking me, so you thought if
she didn't want me maybe it would be okay, but I didn't
pick up on any of it. I ignored the hints, so you
started to get mean about it. Maybe you didn't even know
why you were doing it." He leaned in so close that she
moved back until her butt hit the cabinet, and she had
nowhere else to go. "You kept belittling me in front of
Anita, and worse behind her back, as if you'd convince
her she didn't want to keep me. That I wasn't good
enough to keep. Real enough to keep. Have you ever set
your sights on anyone and not fucked them, at least
once?"
She gave a little trembling shake of her head. She
was biting her lower lip, and tears gleamed unshed in her
eyes.
"Then suddenly, Anita is going to keep me, and you
don't poach your friend's guys. That is a rule. You
thought I was just food, and you could have me, at least
once. Suddenly I'm a boyfriend, and it's against your
rules to try for me, but you still wanted me. Just once.
Just once to feel me inside you . . ."
I called it then, "Enough, Nathaniel, enough." My
voice was shaky. This had gotten so ugly, so fast. How
had I missed it?
Nathaniel moved back from her slowly, and said, "I
used to believe in women like you, Ronnie. I used to
think that anyone who wanted me that badly, must love me,
at least a little." He shook his head. "But people like
you don't love anyone, not even themselves."
"Nathaniel," Micah said, as if he'd been shocked by
that one, too.
Nathaniel ignored him. "You need to find out what
you're running from, Ronnie, before it ruins the best
thing you've ever found."
She spoke in a harsh whisper, "You mean, Louie."
He nodded. "Yeah, I mean Louie. He loves you. He
really, truly loves you, not just for a night, or a
month, but for years. Part of you wants that or you
wouldn't still be with him."
She swallowed hard enough that it sounded like it
hurt. "I'm scared."
He nodded, again. "What if you love him? What if
you give him your whole heart and then he dumps you the
way you dumped so many others?"
She gave that trembling nod of hers again. "Yes."
"You need help, Ronnie, professional help. I can
recommend someone."
I knew Nathaniel saw a therapist, but I'd never
heard him talk about it with anyone before, not like
this.
"I've been with her for a few years. She's good.
She's helped me a lot." His face was gentler than it had
been.
Ronnie looked at him like he was the snake and she
was the helpless little bird.
He went to the corkboard above the phone. There
were business cards pinned to it; important numbers,
notes. He took one of the cards down. He walked back
over to Ronnie and held it out to her. "If she can't
take you, she'll know someone good who can."
Ronnie took the card carefully, just by the corner
as if she was afraid it would bite. She gave him wide,
frightened eyes, but she put the card in her jeans
pocket. She let out a deep breath, and turned to me.
"I'm sorry, Anita. I'm sorry about everything." She
looked at Nathaniel, then back at me. "And now I'm going
to leave the mess behind and let you guys clean it up
like I've always done. I am sorry." And she walked out.
We all waited until we heard the door close behind her.
The three of us stood for a few seconds in silence,
waiting for the shock waves to settle. But of course
there were other problems than just Ronnie's issues.
Micah turned to me, and said, "Are we in a mess?"
"I'm not sure yet," I said.
"But you think you're pregnant?" he said.
I nodded. "I missed last month. I'd planned on
finding out for sure before I told anyone." I sighed and
crossed my arms under my breasts. "I haven't bought a
pregnancy test, because I wasn't sure how to take it
without one of you finding out."
Nathaniel came to stand beside me, but to one side
so he wouldn't block my view of Micah. "Anita, you
shouldn't have to go through this alone. At least one of
us should be holding your hand while you wait for the
little strip to turn colors."
I looked up at him. "You sound like you've done
this before?"
"Once, she wasn't sure it was mine, but I was the
only friend she had to hold her hand."
"I thought I was your first girlfriend."
"She found out I'd never been with a girl, so she
took care of it." His voice made it seem utterly matter
of fact. "I wasn't very good at it, but she came up
pregnant. It was probably one of her customers, but it
could have been mine."
"Customers?" Micah made it a question.
"She was in the game, too, like I was then."
I knew 'the game' meant she'd been a prostitute, but
'the game' usually meant when he was on the street. He'd
been off the street by sixteen. "How old were you?" I
asked.
"Thirteen," he said.
The look on my face made him laugh. "Anita, I'd
never been with a girl, but I'd seen a lot of men. She
thought I should know what's like to be with a girl. She
was my friend, protected me sometimes, when she could."
"How old was she?" Micah asked.
"Fifteen."
"Jesus," I said.
He smiled, that gentle, almost condescending smile
that always let me know what a sheltered life I'd led.
"And she got pregnant," Micah said, softly.
Nathaniel nodded. "The odds were that it wasn't
mine. We had sex twice. Once so I could see if I liked
it. The second time so I could get better at it." His
face softened in a way I'd never seen before.
"You loved her," I said, voice as gentle as I could
make it.
He nodded. "My first crush."
"What was her name?" Micah asked.
"Jeanie, her name was Jeanie."
I almost didn't ask, but it was the most he'd ever
talked about that part of his life, so I asked. "What
happened?"
"I held her hand while the test turned positive.
Her pimp paid for an abortion. I went with her. Me, and
another girl." He shrugged, and the soft light faded in
his eyes. "She couldn't have kept it. I knew that. We
all knew it." He looked suddenly sad, lost.
I wanted to take that lost look out of his eyes, so
I hugged him, and he let me, and he hugged me back.
"What happened to Jeanie?" Micah asked.
He stiffened in my arms, and I knew then, it would
not be a good answer. "She died. She got into the wrong
car one night, and the John killed her."
I hugged him tighter. "I am so sorry, Nathaniel."
He hugged me one fierce, tight hug, then he moved
back enough to see my face. "I was thirteen and she was
fifteen. We were street hookers. We were both drug
addicts. There wasn't going to be a baby." His eyes
were so serious. "I'm twenty, and you're twenty-seven.
We both have good jobs, money, a house. I've been clean
for three, almost four years."
I pulled back from him. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying we have choices, Anita. Choices that I
didn't have the last time."
My pulse was in my throat, threatening to choke me.
"Even if I am . . ." and it took me two tries to say,
"pregnant, I'm not sure I'm keeping it. You understand
that, right?" My chest was so tight I could barely
breath.
"It's your body," he said, "I respect that. I'm
just saying that we have more than one way to go here,
that's all. It has to be mostly your choice."
"Yes," Micah said, "you're the woman, and like it,
or not, the final choice has to be yours."
"Your body, your choice," Nathaniel said, "but we
need a pregnancy test. We need to know."
"We're running late now," I said, "you guys need to
show and we have to go to Jean-Claude's place."
"Can you really just go to the party with this
hanging over us?" Nathaniel asked.
"I have to."
He shook his head. "It's fashionable to be late, and
once he knows why, Jean-Claude won't mind us being late."
"But . . ." I said.
"He's right," Micah said, "or am I the only one that
thinks I would go crazy smiling and nodding tonight, and
not knowing."
I hugged myself tighter. "But what if it's
positive, what if . . ." I couldn't even finish it.
"Then we'll deal with it," Micah said.
"Whatever happens, Anita, it will be okay. I
promise," Nathaniel said.
It was my turn to look into his face and realize how
young he was. We were only seven years apart in age, but
they could be an important seven years. He promised, it
would be alright, but some promises you can't keep no
matter how hard you try.
That tight feeling climbed up my throat and spilled
out my eyes. I started to cry, and couldn't stop it.
Nathaniel wrapped his arms around me, held me against his
body, and a moment later Micah moved in behind me. They
both held me, while I cried my fear and confusion and
anger at myself. Self-loathing didn't even begin to
cover it.
When the crying slowed, and I could breath without
hiccupping, Nathaniel said, "I'll go out and get the
test. Micah can shower while I'm gone. I should be back
in time to clean up and we'll only be a little late."
I pushed myself away, enough to see his face. "But
what if it's a yes, I mean how can I go to the party if
it's a yes?"
Micah leaned over my shoulder, putting his face next
to mine. "You don't want to know," he said, "because
you'll find it easier to pretend tonight, if you don't
know."
I nodded, my cheek sliding against his.
"I'll get the test," Nathaniel said, "and we'll use
it later tonight, after the party. But we are getting
one, or two, to take with us." For someone who was
supposed to be a submissive his voice held no compromise.
It was simple fact.
"What if someone finds it in our stuff?" I asked.
"Anita, you're going to have to tell Jean-Claude and
Asher sometime," Nathaniel said.
"Only if its positive," I said.
He gave me a look, but nodded. "Okay, only if it's
positive."
Positive. It seemed like such the wrong word. If I
was pregnant it was definitely a negative. A really,
big, scary negative.
Chapter Three
I had a key to the new back door of the Circus of
the Damned. No more waiting around for someone to let us
inside. Yea.
I'd actually turned the key, and felt the lock click
over, when the door started opening inward. Security was
pretty good at the Circus of late, since we'd made a deal
with the local wererats. But it wasn't a wererat that
opened the door; it was a werewolf.
Graham was tall enough and muscular enough to make
it impossible to move through the door without brushing
him. He stood for a moment looking down at me, at us, I
guess, though it felt more personal than that. His
perfectly straight black hair managed to fall
decoratively over his brown eyes, and still be very, very
short on the bottom, so the strong line of his neck was
left bare and strangely tempting. His eyes tilted up at
the edges, and I now knew that he had his Japanese
mother's eyes and hair, but the rest of him seemed to
have been copied from his ex-navy, and very Nordic
looking father.
Graham had been the only one of the lycanthropes I'd
ever known, to have their parents visit his place of
work. Since his usual job was security at Guilty
Pleasures, a vampire and furry strip club, that had been
an interesting night.
I thought for a moment Graham would stay in the door
way and make me push past him. I think for a moment, so
did he, but he finally moved back enough to give us some
room. He was already dressed in what all the security
would be wearing tonight; black slacks, black t-shirt,
though the shirt should probably have been a size larger.
The one he was wearing looked like it was having trouble
holding on, as if one flex too many and it would shred.
I was actually in the storeroom with it's boxes, and
it's harsh industrial lighting before I realized none of
us had said, hi. It seemed a little late for that, but I
was a girl. We can usually think of something to say.
"Been lifting heavier weights than normal?" I asked.
"Yes." And he gave me that smile that lately he'd
been wasting on me, when he wasn't scowling at me. "I
didn't think you'd noticed."
I didn't like the smile. It seemed to demand things
from me that I wasn't willing to give to Graham. Didn't
I have enough men in my life and my bed without adding
anyone else? I thought so, but Graham didn't.
He'd actually bunked over at my house a couple of
times, and slept with us here at Jean-Claude's place. I
do mean slept. It was not a euphemism for more. But
he'd made it very clear that he was hoping for more.
"Is everyone else ready to go, but us?" Micah asked.
Graham turned to him, and gave a little bow mostly
from the neck. I think it was a partial apology for
ignoring him. Micah was one of the animal kings in this
town, which meant you did not disrespect him, unless you
meant to disrespect him. "Yes, Nimir-raj." Graham
grinned.
"Though, some of the vampires haven't
been ready very long. You're not as late as you think
you are." The look on his face said that we'd missed
some amusing, though probably frantic preparations. Just
as well, I was frantic enough without anyone else's
problems.
He gave a belated hello to Nathaniel, though I
wasn't sure he minded. Nathaniel wasn't entirely certain
how he felt about the tall werewolf. Yet another reason
that Graham wasn't on my short list.
It occurred to me as we followed him to the inner
door with it's heavier lock, that if I had given into
Graham's hints I'd have him on the list of would-be
fathers for my would-be baby.
I was suddenly cold, and my stomach did that tight
squeezing thing it does when you've had a truly awful
thought. There was nothing wrong with Graham, other than
the fact that I barely knew him, and I suspected he
wanted to be my lover for a while, but not forever. I
wasn't much into men that weren't long term planners. I
was very, very glad that I'd stood firm with Graham, as
he led the way down the stone steps that led into the
underground. Let's hear it for morals, or at least some
semblance of standards.
Nathaniel took my elbow, and it made me jump. "You
okay?" he asked softly.
I shook my head. I was glad I was still in jogging
shoes on the oddly spaced stone steps. There were a lot
of steps, and they all seemed spaced for something that
didn't walk upright, or at least didn't walk like a human
being.
I leaned into him for a moment, let him hug me one
armed. We had the pregnancy test tucked into the over
night bag, he was carrying. It held not only his stuff,
but mine. Due to needing dress shoes for all of us, and
some other dressy bits from home, Micah was also carrying
a small suitcase. Normally, we came with no luggage.
There were extra toothbrushes and underwear to be had.
There were even extra clothes to be borrowed. Jean-
Claude had tried to get me to leave outfits over here,
but I found it confusing to have entire outfits travel
back and forth. I kept leaving the only blouse that
matched something at the place I wasn't staying. I was
either going to have to buy pieces that mixed and matched
better, or stop sleeping away from home quite so often.
Since the sleeping over part wasn't likely to change, it
meant I'd have to go shopping soon. Jean-Claude had
offered to have a wardrobe designed and made for me, that
would solve the problem, but I was a little afraid of
what he might "design". He and I didn't always agree on
clothing.
Nathaniel finished hugging me, but kept my hand in
his, as we went down the steps. Once upon a time I'd
minded having a man hang onto me, but not tonight.
Tonight I held his hand tight, as if the touch of it were
a lifeline. How was I going to get through the night
without breaking down? Normally I'd have bet on me to
hold myself together no matter what was happening, but
not tonight, not about . . . We had a pregnancy test with
us. I realized when Nathaniel came out with it, why I
had never quite gotten around to getting one earlier in
the day. Buying the test made it more real, more
possible. Damnit, but it did.
Graham waited for us at the landing where the stairs
made a blind turn. His face fought not to frown at me as
I walked hand in hand with Nathaniel. It wasn't the
sharing me with another man part, he was already doing
that with Meng Die and at least two other men. No, his
problem was about the fact that Nathaniel wasn't very
dominant. The werewolves, and most of the wereanimals,
operated on the strongest, the meanest, the toughest get
the best. You did not win points in the local werewolf
pack by being kind, or patient, or a good cook. Graham
just couldn't wrap his head around why I preferred
someone like Nathaniel to someone like him. Him being
stronger, tougher, meaner, taller. Graham had a pretty
high opinion of himself and just couldn't understand why
I preferred my men prettier rather than tougher. I'd
tried to explain it to him, but finally given up. I'd
told him that I loved Nathaniel, and he, Graham, didn't
need to understand why. He just had to accept that it
was true, and move on.
He'd accepted that I loved who I loved, but the look
on his face as he watched us, showed clearly that he
hadn't understood. I suspected, strongly, that Graham
had never really been in love. Until you have been, at
least once, you really can't understand it. You can lust
after people you don't love, or, I'm told, love people
you don't lust after, but love and lust have only one
thing in common. They are both four letter words
beginning with 'L'.
Micah moved past him, but Graham just kept standing,
looking back at Nathaniel and me. The look on his face
was way too serious for comfort.
We ran out of steps and came even with him. He
sighed. "I have a message from Jean-Claude." His tone
alone said he knew I was going to like it.
"What kind of message?" I asked, and didn't try and
keep the suspicion out of my voice.
Micah came back around the corner, a question in his
eyes. I shrugged. I didn't have any answers.
Graham said, "There are two masters of the city
downstairs in the livingroom." He said it flat and
empty, as if that would make it better, or as if he
didn't know what tone to give so he gave it nothing.
I frowned at him. "Why are there two masters of the
city in the livingroom. I'm assuming you're not counting
Jean-Claude as one of them."
He shook his head.
"Then why are there, Graham? Why aren't they at
Danse Macabre, waiting for us, with the other masters?"
"Jean-Claude said," and here, Graham, closed his
eyes, as if he were remembering, "These two masters are,
or were at one time, my friends."
That made me raise an eyebrow. The older vamps
didn't use the word 'friend' lightly.
Graham continued his message, eyes still closed,
"They have also offered the greatest bounty to your
search for a new pomme de sang. I thought there would be
time to speak with them before the party." He opened his
eyes. "I don't think he expected you to be this late."
"I thought you said, that until minutes ago most of
the vamps weren't ready either."
He sighed again. "They weren't, but I think Jean-
Claude planned on you and he and Asher getting dressed
first and visiting with these guys."
"Why didn't you give me the message up top? Why
wait until now?"
He looked at me, his eyes peeking through the silky
fringe of his overly long bangs. It always made me think
of an animal peering at me through the grass. The upper
layer hadn't been this long when I met him.
"What, Graham, what?" I asked, because he just kept
looking at me.
"I knew you wouldn't like seeing any of them early.
I didn't want to be the one who gave you bad news.
You're
already mad at me. I didn't want to make
it worse."
"I am not mad at you, Graham."
"If you're not mad at me, then why don't you like me
better?"
"I don't dislike you, Graham, I just don't want to
fuck you. I'm allowed not to fuck you, just because you
want to fuck me."
"Don't fuck me then, just feed the arduer off of me.
Feed it the way you fed off of Nathaniel for months
without intercourse."
I shook my head. "I don't want to introduce the
passion of the arduer to someone I'm not keeping. It's
cruel."
"The arduer is like the greatest orgasmic
experience that any of the vampire lines can give to a
mortal," Graham's face was full of such eagerness, his
hands reaching out to the air as if he'd draw the arduer
out of it, and hug it to him. "I just want to know what
it feels like. The real deal, not the little tastes I've
had by accident. Why is that wrong, Anita? Why is it
wrong to want that?"
"She's afraid you'll become addicted," Micah said,
voice soft.
Graham shook his head. "I've never been addicted to
anything in my life."
"Lucky you," Nathaniel said.
"Please, Anita, don't go to strangers to feed the
arduer. To feed the hunger that you inherited from Jean-
Claude. Don't go to strangers when there are people
right here that would do almost anything to feed your
need."
I made an exasperated sound, that was almost a
scream of frustration, and moved past him. I left him on
the landing because I didn't know what else to say to
him. I hadn't known what to say to him for days now.
Graham had been one of the local men that Jean-
Claude had encouraged me to "interview" as my new pomme
de sang. Jean-Claude thought that if I'd "interview"
them a little more intimately, that I'd have a new pomme
by now. He'd called me stubborn. Asher had called me
foolish, to refuse to try such bounty. Maybe it was
foolish. I hadn't told Ronnie that all the men in my
life had given me a short list of other men to "try-out".
She'd have freaked even worse than she already had,
because if Louie had been that generous with her, she'd
have been a happy camper. But Ronnie wasn't me, and what
might make her happy, just seemed to confuse me.
I heard Graham hurrying behind us, but he didn't try
for more talk. He moved past us to get the heavy metal
door that led into the inner sanctum. He opened the door
for us without another word, or even a glance. He had
his bodyguard face on, the one that was all business, and
made him one of the best of the wolves for security work.
When he was concentrating on his job, he was actually
pretty good at it. The trouble was that he kept getting
distracted. A bodyguard that is more interested in
having sex with you than guarding you is no bodyguard at
all.
Clay was just inside the door. He was as tall as
Graham, but his hair was blond and curly and careless.
Where Graham took time and attention with his appearance,
Clay just didn't seem to care. He wasn't sloppy, just
comfortable. He was wearing the same black on black
outfit, but he'd put black jogging shoes with his slacks
instead of dress shoes. He looked good, but a little
uncomfortable out of jeans. I sympathized, or would
soon.
Clay had been on the vampire's list for pomme de
sang. But after one night of sharing a bed, I'd let him
go back to the bed he wanted to sleep in. He fucked and
slept with Meng Die when she wasn't entertaining someone
else. He had made it clear to her that he wanted to be
her pomme de sang. He came to my bed because he was
ordered to, not because he wanted to. I'd just told
Jean-Claude that Clay didn't do it for me, and he'd gone
back to Meng Die. Though she didn't treat Clay like a
beloved mistress, more like someone she liked to fuck,
but wasn't sure she wanted to keep. But it was where
Clay wanted to be, and if that was what he wanted, then
who was I to bitch. At least he hadn't gotten upset
about being sent back to the minor leagues. Graham had,
and Requiem had. Byron was upset, but not because he
couldn't have me. He liked boys more than girls, and
kicking him out of my bed meant he didn't get as close to
Jean-Claude and Asher and Nathaniel and Micah, and . . .
well, you get the idea.
Since I hadn't found a new pomme among the locals
Jean-Claude and Elinore, one of our new British vamps,
had come up with an idea. A wonderfully, awful idea.
Since masters of the city were coming from all over the
United States for the party and the ballet, why didn't we
have a sort of contest. The masters could bring some
candidates for my new pomme de sang.
I'd said, no, at first, but they'd convinced me that
I could just turn them all down. But it was a way to get
them to behave better while they were visiting us. I
mean, if you're looking at what amounts to your new in-
laws, you mind your manners. I couldn't argue with the
reasoning, but it meant that I felt like a piece of prize
beef, or would be cheesecake?
I'd told them all, "I'm just not the Cinderella
type."
Nathaniel's reply had been, "But you're not
Cinderella, Anita, you're the prince. You're Prince
Charming."
Well, I guess if you have to choose between being
the princess who is trying to catch the prince's eye, or
the prince who doesn't want to be caught, prince was
better. Or at least that's what I told myself as Clay
led us through the drapes that formed the walls of the
livingroom.
The first of the "princesses" were in the that room,
waiting to meet their "prince". Eeek.
End Of Chapter Three
Danse Macabre will be out July 2006!
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