Real life is not a Romantic Comedy, but it is Romantic

During breakfast I watched the last bit of “You’ve Got Mail,” with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I’ve never seen the movie, but my husband, Jon, had. He wanted me to see the end of it, so I did. It was charming and romantic, and made me think I might want to watch the movie from the beginning, but it also made me think of questions.
Has your real life romance ever been influenced by a romantic comedy film? If so, which one/s? Do you think that any romantic film reflects anything close to real life? If so, which one/s?

The above was what I posted on my FaceBook. I got a lot of responses. People shared some truly wonderful, real life romantic stories. They suggested other films that they thought were more realistic. I admit that the only films that people said was more realistic, or said something real to them, that I’ve seen were, “When Harry met Sally” and “Love, Actually,” but others oft mentioned were, “P.S. I love you,”; “The Notebook,” and “He’s Not that into You.” But most responses said that romantic movies weren’t real enough to impact real life, or worse yet, they felt they set up such high expectations that it spoiled us for real live romances. Several felt that women were especially negatively impacted so that no real man could live up to the fictional version. Some shared that they had found the love/s of their lives and lost them far too early. Everyone was so generous with their sharing that I felt I had to answer my own questions.

First, no romantic film has ever unduly influenced me. Honestly, I’m not a big fan of romances in any form, never have been. I’d rather read mysteries, horror, fantasy, science fiction, nonfiction especially history and biology. I’m more an action adventure movie person, but there are a few movies that have romantic meanings for me. “Lake Placid” is the first movie that I saw with other friends that my future husband, Jon, was part of the group. The first movie just the two of us saw as friends was, “The Mummy” with Brendan Fraser. One reader on my FB page sited “The Mummy” as the kind of relationship they thought was hot and full of chemistry, no arguments from me. The movie, “The Mexican” with Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts was on every TV in every hotel the year we had our honeymoon and first toured together, so we watched it a lot, in pieces, but we still have affection for it, even though it is a disaster as far as romances go, and no way should the main characters have survived, let alone lived happily-ever-after. Jon and I share two favorite romcoms, “Nottinghill,” and “The Holiday”. (Both movies were mentioned in answers on FB, but not a lot.) Those two movies are on our short list of, I’ve had a hard day and I just want to smile for awhile. I’ll add, “Bell, Book, and Candle,” as one of my favs, but I think it’s not the romance angle, but that it’s the only movie I know that is about publishing, the holidays, writing research, magic, and has Jimmy Stewart, and Kim Novak in it. Do I think any of the movies we like are a good blueprint for real romance? No, they’re fiction. Real life is messier and far less logical. Fiction must hold together and make sense, real life doesn’t have to do any of that.

How did Jon and I meet? He’d loaned out a copy of Guilty Pleasures and the friend hadn’t returned it. He mentioned it at a bookstore where the clerk knew me, and mentioned that I was going to be at a local science fiction convention. He could get the new copy signed. (The clerk would eventually be the writer, Rhett MacPherson, and a member of my writing group, The Alternate Historians). Jon drove himself to the convention, and got me to sign my book. We also would talk for two hours in the hallway with the Green Room just feet away. We talked about literature, science fiction, horror, movies, science, history, philosophy, music, and found in each other minds quick enough and esoteric enough to keep up with each other. It set up a pattern of how we would interact for years to come. We never had trouble finding things to talk about. No, it wasn’t love at first sight. First, we know he was seventeen when we met, because he’d just gotten his driver’s license. I was twenty-nine, married, and one of his new favorite writers. I would learn years later that he had trouble talking to girls, but he never had trouble talking to me, because he didn’t see me as a “girl”. The age difference, my martial status, successful writer, all of it meant he didn’t see me as datable so he didn’t have to be nervous around me, which meant I got to see Jon at his best, and would spend years puzzling over why he wasn’t more successful at dating girls near his own age. I would give him dating advice, or assure him that yes, that girl did like him, for years. I was his friend, I wanted him to be happy. Neither of us saw the other as a potential date, let alone as a potential spouse. In fact, if you’d told either of us back then that eight years later we’d be dating, nine years later we’d be engaged to be married, we wouldn’t have believed you. That we’d be celebrating twelve years as a married couple – we would have laughed in your face. When we met I thought of Jon as this young kid, then my friend, but far too young to date. We were just friends for eight years, and even then it took us a long time to realize we were more. Most of our mutual friends figured it out before we did.
For those keeping track, I was married to my first husband for sixteen years of traditional monogamous marriage. It just didn’t work for me and I vowed never to marry again. Six months later, marrying Jon sounded like a good idea. How and why this change? Yes, love, lust, and that great friendship base, but honestly Deity intervention. I’m not really kidding, Jon and I can’t remember who proposed and who accepted, because we turned each other down multiple times. We both had issues with the age difference, and both had scars from previous relationships, and those pesky personal issues, so thank you, God and Goddess, for helping us work through it all to get to the happy place we are now. Plus therapy, because Deity helps us & then expects us to do our work to make it all work out.

Rereading the above I realized, though it doesn’t sound like a romantic comedy it might reinforce the ideal of finding that one true love if your life & everything magically works out perfectly. Yes, I talked about Jon & I doing individual therapy above, but I just want to be clear that isn’t the be all, end all of our story.

Jon & I just celebrated our third anniversary of dating our girlfriend, Genevieve. I am also seeing the other man in her life, Spike. We are polyamorous, which means to love more, & have been most of our marriage. So, for us it’s not about finding that one perfect love, but being open to the possibility of finding that special poly group to love, whether it be a threesome, a foursome, or a moresome.

Posted by at 9:32:38 am on January 14, 2014

38 Responses to Real life is not a Romantic Comedy, but it is Romantic

  1. Nicole Underhill says:

    What interesting times we live in. When I was a kid something like this would have been shamed and secret. Even now living 90 miles from Cuba you come across some pretty bible-thumpy people who say such fantastic things after a couple of cocktails it makes you wonder if they are not from other planet.
    How it is they can get away with such absurd ramblings in public is shocking these days.

    It is so good to see that there is hope for the human race.
    I think that feeling in your chest when you are excited about someone should be our guide. Why else is it there? Nothing else should matter.
    Behold the new romantic comedy.

  2. Teree says:

    I think the best love stories are the ones that develop over time. My husband and I crossed each other’s paths a few times before we finally realized what we had right in front of us. I think it helped that we were able to get to know each other before we started dating. :)
    You are without a doubt my favorite author. I love that your life is so full and you are generous and fearless enough to allow your fans peeks into your happiness. You are real and honest – two very important character traits. You’re also so insightful. Thank you for sharing yourself. :)

  3. Christina Hansen says:


    Thank you for sharing such personal details about yourself, and your romance with your husband. It gives me hope that there is life after a difficult marriage and divorce. I was married for 16 years to to very nice man with OCD. Two kids and many unhappy years later, I had to call it quits. I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for 2 years now. I am a high school math teacher, he is a US history teacher, and we teach at rival high schools, and met on (Laughing). Its very hard for me to give him the trust he deserves ( OCD ex-husband issues), but I’m working on it because I love him so much, and he is truly my soul mate. So once again, my faith in love and romance has been renewed, thanks to you!!! :-)

  4. Shawna Rousseau says:

    Reading about you and Jon makes me think of how I met my husband, also named Jonathan. Except we started out poly and ended up monogamous. LOL, that’s a long story. Met my husband online, we became fast friends and for about 7 months I was able to convince my 38 year old self that I was not in love with this quirky sensitive and funny 25 year old guy from Canada. Never would have thought that 5 years later we would be going on our 4th wedding anniversary and living together here in Idaho. His courage and willingness to take a huge leap of faith that we would work out still amazes me. We met in person in Toronto in Aug 2009, when I flew alone to another country for the first time in my life, I was terrified, what if he didn’t like me in person as much as over the internet and phone? What if we don’t get along in person? Within 20 mins of those first awkward meeting, we were teasing each other for not being able to navigate to the luggage pick up in the airport and puzzling over the phone system for calling a cab.

    Thirty mins after that we were alone in our hotel room and little talking was being done. LOL! We spent a wonderful 9 days in Toronto together seeing the sights and then it was time to go back home. I cried the whole 6 hour flight home. We then spent the next 11 months figuring out how to be together full time, with the support and help from my then other two life partners.

    This is where the poly part comes in, I was with two other loves, but we had been struggling with some serious issues for sometime that had nothing to do with being poly. Addiction was one, for which one partner was not willing to get help no matter how much we asked or pleaded. Until finally we had to say no more. We are still good friends, but the romantic aspect was lost. The other and I discovered without the one we had had to end it with was not there, we shifted closer to just friends. Jon was supportive and contributed no conflict while all this was shifting, never was jealous or interfered or tried to influence anyone. He is simply amazing, both my ex partners are good friends with him as well.

    There is a 13 year gap, that we never remember is there unless someone else mentions it. We share so much in common and Jon supports everything I do, even when I am wrong. Only telling me in private when he feels I was wrong. We are a good team and it took a lot to get there. I don’t think we would have worked as well if we hadn’t had that trial by fire of spending the first 16 apart only able to connect online or over the phone, it made us learn to really know each other through and through because our only way to connect was with words. A lot of the things you mention day to day make me smile and I love your books, I just wish they were longer, because I finish each new one way too soon. Thank you for not only sharing your stories about Anita & Merry, thank you for reaching out and sharing your life with us too. It means more than I can say that you are so reachable. Someday I hope to make it to one of your gigs so I can meet you.

  5. jinia says:

    Love this! Bell, Book, and Candle is one of my favorite all time movies!! Notting Hill and Hope Floats are my favorite romances.

  6. Rayanne Staubly says:

    I had a similar experience in the fact of dating a younger man that eventually became my forever husband. We jumped the broom for 4 years but then the military decided he needed to go overseas so we got mundanely married. 12 years on and we are still working hard a being married, soon he will retire from the military and our life will be ours. So looking forward to that day, and nights.

  7. Candi says:

    First of all thank you for sharing your story, it is good to know that you have found Happiness and Love in your life, it is ment for some to find that love, to find their purpose in life, and have the happiness we all look for.I have never been that success full in either. so I enjoy the sappy moves, and books thats helps me, keeps the romance, hope, and purpose alive for me untill I am able to find my love, happiness and purpose why I am here what am I ment to do. I feel that the only good thing that I have done is my 3 sons two have grown and are out of the house 1 16 year old left then I will be on my own, I am not quite sure how I feel about that(YET). I just wanted to say that when I read your books it gives me some ME time it allows me to live in some ones elses life, to experiance , feel and share their adventure. I thank my mother for giving me your book and told me to try it out, lets just say I was up all night and did not put it down untill the end; while searching for the next one:) your an amazing writer and I just wanted you to know how your books and the postings on face book has effected me. Thank’s Candi

  8. Lynn Clifton says:

    I just want to thank you for sharing your life with us. I would also like to thank you. You have shown me to not be afraid of what people think on how I want to live my life. And, to not be ashamed of what kind of life I want to live. I also thank you so much for your books. They opened me up for all kinds of thoughts that i never considered. I am a loyal fan.

  9. Lisa Farmer says:

    I met my current love on your website:) thanks again for that forum. I had no one in my immediate community to discuss the themes of your books with so it gave me an outlet not otherwise available if I wanted to stay part of the herd.

  10. Ann says:

    Thanks for this! I’ve struggled for years with romance movies. They seem so nice and put together, but they usually leave me feeling more alone than anything else. Real life is messy. It can be pretty ugly too. I love that what you write is messy. It makes it so much more real. It is what makes me love your characters and connect with them.

  11. Kristen says:

    I just can’t imagine waking up one day and realizing, REALLY realizing, that not only are you in a polyamorous relationship, but that you are in it with the mind of Anita Blake? Oh my goodness. I’m too bitter and single to talk about romcoms right now.

  12. Katy says:

    I wanted to say thank you for this. was a great read and is nice to see someone i respect so much saying these words. love comes in all forms even 3 and 4′s or as in my case 5′s its complex but as long as everyone is happy why not. Many thanks

  13. Paige says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. i definitely understand Deity intervention when it comes to meeting your One! my Husband and i had met each other 3 or 4 times before we noticed each other – the first time we were both in uniform (He was in ROTC and i am in the Army Reserves) and He thought i was a complete bitch. Then after that we crossed paths a couple times in things for school before finally “meeting” on the ride to Joplin for a relief trip, where He saved me from boredom and going insane by all of the things the females on the trip were doing. lol Plus, on top of the fact that we met so many times before actually “meeting,” if i hadn’t joined the military (something i swore i would never do, but then one day got a “Feeling” that God wanted me to and i didn’t know why) and gotten injured, i would have never met Him, because i would have started college a year before He did!

    i’m including my religion blog because you inspire me when it comes both to writing and to religion. You also inspire me as a person because you can be so open about being poly. i mentioned being attracted to other people in class today and i was nervous – as much as i would love to be open about being poly i’m scared to due to my future profession and worry for my Husband and what it would do to His family relations. :/

    Well, thank you for everything. i really hope to meet you some day, honestly. We live relatively in the area. It’s eerie reading your books since i recognize almost all of the places!

    Have a wonderful week.

  14. Kenneth says:

    I’ve made some bad decisions with women. So much so that I ended up work two children three months apart And have lost one of them because I can’t afford a lawyer to fix the crushing financial burden they are putting on me. I lost the love of my life when I was 20, I’ve slept with the dregs of the smoke infested Club scene to make it all go away. I had to go through all of that anda four year relationship of hell on earth just to find the right one for me. I’ve never been happier.

  15. Laurel K. Hamilton you are not only my favorite Writer, You Are My Hero!
    May you be Blessed by the Powers that Be!

  16. Florence says:

    I enjoyed your story. It was wonderful, quirky and funny. It is so great to hear how people can live there lives the way they want. It also gives hope to others that if you work at love and relationships they will work out. I am glad that you and your partners can talk freely so others may know it is okay if you do not fit in with the norm.

  17. Dianne Rentz says:

    Thank you for sharing the story of how you and Jon met. It is great that you were friends before you dated. I believe that is a strong foundation.
    My husband and I met in the World of Warcraft, which I played with my son. We became friends and would chat for ours in the game. He is also a lot younger than me and I, like you, had a hard time getting around that obstacle. But I did and we started a long distance relationship. 6 months after my divorce her proposed to me. That same year we attended DragonCon and I met you and Jon. We were drawn to you both right away and have attended DC each year since and made sure we were at all your panels and have chatted with you and Jon each time.
    Thank you for your openness about your polyamoury. I think that is the next big hurdle for society to overcome as it is overcoming gay marriage.
    See you in August at DragonCon!

  18. nicole says:

    Reading your story and the other stories here reminds me why I have not settled. I have not met that person with whom I feel a true connection with. Someone I can’t wait to get home too. Reading these comments gives me hope and confidence in my choice to wait for that person. Sometimes I forget that the waiting is worth it in the end. Thank you for sharing your story.

  19. mary says:

    I am fortunate to have found my true love at age 42. Although we prefer to be monogamous. ..Each person needs to find what makes them happy in life. I have met you both a couple of times and it is apparent that you truly live and support each other….and that is all that matters at the end of the day.

  20. Laura says:

    Thank you for this post; I’ve had similar thoughts about romantic movies. I have the man I want in my life, but it took awhile and me literally forcing myself out of my self-imposed fortress/prison (my trust issues have trust issues) just to gear up the courage to ask for his number.

    We met at the restaurant he buses at and the reality is romantic, but yes, quite unlike the movies. The mundane stuff about how to juggle time while working full time, how to find new things to do together so we can find things out about us that we didn’t know before. The logistics would be too boring in the movie theatre, but I happen to think that is what forges a good relationship; a partner who you can lean on and who knows without a doubt they can lean on you, no matter what.

    Maybe we don’t hear Puccini in our heads when we gaze at one another. But I do feel my heart skip, and become almost painfully alive. So I like the real world version of romance just fine :)

  21. Lori says:

    Your blogs are always interesting. I would like to read about how you and Jon net Genevieve.

  22. Fanny says:

    I read the Merry Gentry books and wondered if the world wouldn’t be a better place if everyone could share love that way. I was monogamously married the first time I read the series, and I will never regret the time I spent in that relationship. But being suddenly widowed at the age of 35–losing in an instant not just my best friend, but my ONLY friend–I have come to view romance differently. Love shared doesn’t diminish in quantity, it multiplies. I’m so happy that you’re out there as a public figure and level-headed proponent of polyamory. Thank you for sharing that part of you with us, your audience.

  23. Rachel Hunt says:

    Wonderful story. It made me think of my relationship. We were both with other people when we met. We lost track of each other for several years and were brought back together on my birthday by my priestess at the time. Talk about divine intervention when my priestess called to say someone had just shown up and would it be OK to bring this person! She introduced Tara who is transgendered. Neither of us were looking at the time. A couple of months later Tara needed a place to stay and I had an extra room. We were just talking one day and feeling as if nothing could ever come of it I confessed that I had a major crush on Tara before. She felt the same. We were handfasted 2 years ago. Looking back I can definitely see this as a romantic comedy.

  24. KATHY CLARK says:

    just wanted to say that i have read all of your books and can’t wait for the next one to come out. i never thought about being poly i am married to a wonderful man that is fifteen years older than i am. we meet when i was forty yrs old and he was fifty five. we are some much alike and have the same values. he is always there for me with all of my health problems, i have fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis and loves me with all of his heart. i had to go through a lot of bad relationships to find him. i just wish that we had meet earlier. i s\think that what ever makes you happy and is mutually agreed on in a relationship is ok as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. so for you and your husband and partner be good to each other and love each other with all your might because God doesn’t promise up forever we never know how long we will be together on this earth so never leave the house with out saying i love you. and never go to bed angry. thanks for all of the wonderful hours of reading and i hope to someday meet you in person.

  25. Thank you for sharing something so personal hun.
    I would love to tell you just a bit of my very weird relationship. I met him in 2005 I went down to New Orleans after the flood water had mostly receded to help a friend gather up what was left of his home. The water had destroyed everything in the basement and first floor but he was sure he could save the pictures and keepsakes from the second floor and attic. Well the guy I was currently dating, my friend, his brother in law and myself got in a vehicle here in Michigan and drove on down. When we got there the condition of the neighborhood he lived in was heartbreaking. So much destruction and chaos. We quickly saved what we could from his home, boxed it and sent it back to my house. We decided to stay and help others clean up and salvage what they could. We had been down in New Orleans not even two days and when my relationship went sour. It wasn’t in the greatest shape before we headed down there but we wanted to help. I am still not sure if he was jealous or guilty but something snapped in him and he began to act very short and abrupt with everyone and down right rude with myself. I tried to let it go. I figured it was the stress of having your girlfriend and 2 other guys share a room. This went on for over a month. Well as I mentioned my friend has brought his brother-in-law(Eric) along on the trip. We lived and worked in some pretty tight quarters so I got to know him quite well. I hated to admit it because he was married and I was in a relationship but the attraction was instant and intense. The days we all helped where we could, tore down what couldn’t be helped. The nights we past the time by just talking. First it was all of us but as time went on it began to be just Eric and myself. We talked about everything and anything, his kids, two girls, and his wife, movies, art, videogames, music etc… we got to know each other very well. Just before Christmas we came back home to spend the holidays with our families. My friend and Eric we dropped off at his house and my guy and I went home. The fight started before we even got there. I can’t even remember what it started about butI the end I knew four things. One: he was mad about how much of my time I made available to him the almost three months we spent in New Orleans, two: that he was guilty about cheating on my on four separate occasions, three: that he wanted to work it out with me and four: I was done. When we arrived at our house I ask him to leave for the night and he could return in the morning it collect his things. I spent the whole night in tears and packing all of his belongs up. I’m the morning he came to get them and was gone. I sat alone for a few days. I couldn’t think of anything to do. 5 years of my life just ended.
    I remember the day before Christmas Eve getting a phone call. My friend, his wife and kids and his brother-in-law needed a place to stay a.s.a.p. I told them I had room and didn’t ask any questions. When they arrived at my house later that day I got one hell of a story. When Eric returned home he found only his sister-in-law and her children in his house. On our drive up from New Orleans she had packed up the kids and left. None of the bills had been paid the 3 months we were gone even though he was sending more that enough money home to pay them. The heat and lights had shut offs on them and eviction papers were already filed. Because of this not only was Eric homeless and had no idea where his family was but my friend and his family were also displaced again. I took them all in my home. I had more that enough room and they made my holiday a happy one. Later that week Eric had tracked down his wife. She had taken his kids to her drug dealer’s house with her. He was crushed and mad as hell, but not heartbroken. He had known about her drug problem for quite some time.
    We were together by the end of the week. Everyone told us we were stupid and that this was rebound relationship. Well this is nine years later and we are still strong as ever.
    It took us a couple of months to get the kids but I wouldn’t trade a day of it. I knew he was the one when first I met him. I had no idea that this is how it would end up.

  26. Markus says:

    It is just brilliant how wonderful this is written and it indeed does sound romantic how you two got together! my wife and I got chatting online actually a bit over 4 years ago. We soon found that we had the same sort of tastes and views. Things for us moved quite quickly after that! we known each other for 4 years 4 months, “got together” 2 months later. These days we have been married for a year and a half and have 2 years and 5 months old twin boys! we tried other forms of relationships in the past ( not together though ) and right from the start both agreed that monogamy was the way forward to us, at least for now!

  27. pauline cooper says:

    I think you and Jon are awesome….

  28. Pegi says:

    I responded on Facebook but thought I should respond here too. YOur blog brought back memories of my romance with my husband Steve. We met at our church (Unitarian/Universalist not a church that shoves anything down your throat instead they accept each person for what and who that person is. We both lean towards Buddhism). We knew each other for several years before dating, I had swore to everyone I knew that I would not be marrying because it is simply not for me. I am older than Steve by 9 years. I asked him out for the first date, an afternoon movie (he was taking too long). I asked him about marriage first but he wasn’t ready. He kinda asked me a few months later and I said yes. I don’t know if he will read this but he will read my post on Facebook because he is friends with you and reads all your books too. You are a favorite author for both of us. OH, I don’t read or see romances either.

  29. Melissa says:

    A lot of similarities I never knew existed. I was married for 16 years in a very dry, boring monogamous relationship with an older man. I left him for a younger man who was thriving with life, open minded, and quite frankly a vision of lust from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. I went from having blah sex once ever six months to multiple times a day. I have been with my current husband for over 6 years now and our girl friend will be moving in with us in May. Life is just as it should be now. It may not be a movie romance, but it is my romance. At the end of the day that is all that really matters.

  30. Samantha says:

    This makes me happy that people have found the ones they’re meant to share their lives with. I’m like everyone else, I’ve made mistakes and have regrets that I didn’t try harder, but maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, not yet. After all, if I can’t accept myself as I am, I can’t expect anyone else to.

  31. Shelly says:

    I appreciate that you share so much of your life with us. It’s really a treat to get these intimate glimpses into your relationships and your day to day life. I find that when reading a series I start to feel like I know an author. This is silly and on a logical level I understand that this is not the case. All the same, the longer the series goes on the more this phenomenon manifests. So, in short, I guess what I’m saying is that these posts are even more special with every book I read.

    Thank you for sharing so much of yourself, both through your books and through your social media presence.

  32. Angie says:

    I’m so glad that you shared this part of your life with your fans. I immediately shared the link with a friend that is fabulously happy in a poly relationship, and I told her to build a shrine to you!! The stigma around any kind of “alternative lifestyle” is so ridiculous that it makes me want to scream!! I personally have always been in straight, monogamous relationships but that doesn’t mean they’ve been happy. So if anyone can find happiness and love in a relationship that is safe and secure, who the hell am I to say that it’s wrong?? That’s the only thing that I’ve ever told my friend that would make me disapprove of any relationship she is in, if someone is hurting her or using her as a means to an end. Otherwise, if she, or anyone really, is happy, I say go for it!! She’s taught me that love can be found in different ways, different people, than I had ever realized before. I was raised in the good old Show Me State, so maybe it took me seeing her blossom in this new relationship to realize the truth to what I thought I’d believed before. And by the way, I lived in St Louis for 10 years, so I’m always trying to picture exactly where something is happening in Anita’s books. It’s so much fun!

  33. Heidi says:

    It was very interesting to read the history of your marriage and especially your polyamorous relationships. No wonder you have such wonderful insight on Anita’s life and loves! lol Btw, You are my favorite author! :)

  34. Kitt Lowe says:

    I have read all of the comments posted and enjoyed each and every one. You encourage people to share, and your fans,which I am one of,feel such passion for your artistic side but also a kinship that you have shared and nurtured in them. I do not do romantic comedies in film or book. I am an action shoot ‘em up bang boom kind of girl. I have read all of your books including, Nightseer which is a different spin from Anita and Merry. I enjoy reading and re-reading the books so I started my collection which is almost complete. I found my soulmate at 21 and lost him to a brain tumor caused by acromegaly when he and I were 27. He not only taught me how to truely love another but also taught me how to love myself. I was an addict when he met me and he took it for a long time. One day when I had been out partying all night and came in at 6:30 am,which was not the first time,he simply said “baby it’s me or the drugs”. It took me all of 30 seconds to say “you,always you”. He held me on a cold tile..I’ve run out of room

  35. Rebecca says:

    Thank you for all your sharing, i really appreciate that you don’t have to, but choose to anyway!

    I continue to struggle with public & official acknowledgement of my relationships–and extremely lucky with the love and patience of both men in my life (one is arelationship of 6 years,and the other more official one is over twenty–he has his own sweetie of about 6 years as well). I slowly but surely continue to out myself more and more –but I’m such a private person, it’s agonizing! I take strength in my friends and public figures such as yourself as these “revelations” really help normalize the myriad paths that make up a community. There is no one right way!

  36. Lynzy says:

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 years now. Our relationship started out more like a TV drama situation rather than a rom-com. We met in the psychiatric hospital! I was 18, a heroin addict, on probation and freshly out of an EXTREMELY unhealthy poly relationship where I was dating a married couple who were both about 10 years older than me and ran an escort service. He was 25, also on probation, also an addict and in the hospital for schizo-affective disorder. He was also just out of an unhealthy relationship with a girl who he had a restrainer order out on because she stabbed him…literally… in the leg… with a kitchen knife. Needless to say- we had no business getting into new relationships!!! He told me he loved me after a week of knowing each other. We moved into my parent’s house less than a month later and have been together ever since. We are totally different people now and we are much more healthy for and because of each other. We basically had everything going against us as, but we managed to work it out. And as you said Laurell, therapy DOES help. :) Personally- I’m happy that my story is a little bit more wonky and messy than your average bear. I still got my HEA, I just had to go through some strange to get there. ;)

  37. Susie Jansen Mitchell says:

    Laurel I am so happy you found true happiness in Jon. There had to be some “spark” that went off when he asked for your signature on his Guilty Pleasures book! Or you never would of made time to chat with him that day. Funny how people are put/directed in our path in life just atthe right time

  38. Susie Jansen Mitchell says:

    I am so happy you found true happiness in Jon. There had to be some “spark” that went off when he asked for your signature on his Guilty Pleasures book! Or you never would of made time to chat with him that day.
    Funny how people are put/directed in our path in life just at the right time.
    Please tell Jon I loaned out my GP hardcover to a friend eho loaned it out to her friend who dropped it in the tub and had the nerve to return it five times the normal size with no apology or cash to replace!
    I never found another one for sale w original cover to yhis day so I sm stuck w my collection w out it. I Never loaned a book out again!
    Congratulations on finding each other!

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